Ugh, Feelings (Getting Real)

Anyone who really knows me will tell you I'm a softie. In general, I love people and when given the opportunity or if I just feel the urge, I enjoy reminding my friends and those close to me how awesome they are, why they're awesome and that they are special. However, while I know that positive about myself, I also often ignore the negative as often as I can - I try to do that for other people because I struggle with it. It's getting better, but I'm not great with dealing with negative emotion - offense, hurt, pain, discomfort. I would rather swallow it and try to digest it on my own rather than deal with it. I'd rather go cry or fuss to God about it than look a person in the face and say, "You hurt my feelings." I don't know why it's so hard.

I feel myself avoiding saying what the root is - I'll say everything else,but the truth is, my feelings hurt. But I don't want to say that because that makes me vulnerable, I don't want the other person to feel bad (especially when I know there was no mal intent), and I feel like I should just deal with it myself and be cool. Of course, none of this is healthy. The reality is, it's ok to admit openly you are hurt. And my feelings are valid. I'm still learning that - my feelings are valid. In not dealing, one risks carrying offense, that can become bitterness, and once that takes root - that's where YOU then err. The other person is going about their business happy and chilling, and you somewhere feeling some type of way. Then, if you talk about it later (maybe just me), I feel dumb because I realize I should have said something ages ago.

Yes, emotions can be deceptive. In Christianity, I do believe you should not be led by how you feel on a particular day because that could have nothing to do with what God wants you to do. I realize you worked all day, but maybe God still wants you to spend some time interceding. Your feelings could be holding up someone else's breakthrough. (That word is for me...oop!)

Here is the balance - we are human. Jesus went through emotionally too. However, we have to master it. That means calling it what it is, dealing with it, and then forgiving and letting it go. Yesterday in church, my Pastor asked us, "how would you like it if God held on to everything you ever did wrong?" We ask for forgiveness and He forgets,  never to have the matter come up again unless WE remind Him. And so, today and onward, I'll agree to deal with not only the warm and fuzzies head on, but also the Icky McNasties.

The truth is, in real life, I don't always have time to write my thoughts and feelings down to help me process the world. I have to operate in "real-time," which means I won't always get it right,  but it's imperative as I grow up naturally in life and in Christ, that I try.