We are Purposed! (You're Supposed to Be Here)

Growing up, I struggled with thinking of myself as a burden.  I'd hear things about my father wanting my mother to have an abortion and how she made the decision to keep me...(you get it, the stuff that goes on between two adults when a baby comes into the picture and the couple doesn't work out). I had a deep seeded feeling of, my mom's life, my sister's life,  everyone's life would be better without me here. 

Pair that with some other things that happened in my childhood and what do you get? A recipe for self-rejection. Feelings of "why am I here?" and "why doesn't anyone love me?"or maybe "I wasn't meant to be here", these are rejection. And this is also a direct insult to God. We replay these thoughts and feelings in our heads and we don't do it in direct opposition to God, but that's what it is. We are not only hurting ourselves with these thoughts, we are hurting Him.

After getting saved, I remember one day I was praying, and I saw myself as a baby, just born in the delivery room. And God was happy. If you could imagine God smiling, He was. And I cried and cried. Because I realized deep down inside, I had always associated my birth with sadness. My birth may have been the end of a thing, but it was also a bright beginning too! And so is the case with each life. You see, no matter the circumstances in which we enter this world - we are purposed! We are MEANT TO BE! Our conception was no accident. Our making it in our mother's womb is no accident. Making it through the birthing process and out into the world - this is also NO ACCIDENT.

As I grow in God, as I read His Word, I am beginning to see me. I'm in there. And so are you. Jesus was conceived outside of wedlock. So were many of us. He was the "black sheep" of the family. I can raise my hand and say, so am I! As I was reading last night, the Lord told me that from my birth, He put X in me to do and to be. Also, from my birth, the enemy, opposition (whatever you want to call him or it) has been trying to distract me with Y - why was I born? Why doesn't my father want me? Why doesn't my mother love me? Why...why...why. I have to focus on X and staying on the path to X because you know what? Y doesn't matter. It does NOT matter.

God put something special in each of us. We are each a word from His lips sent to this earth. He smiled when you were born. He loved you even then. It doesn't matter if you were born in a shoe. God loved it and thought it good because you are HERE. As long as you are here, He can guide you to X if you can push and not allow the distractions of Y to permanently occupy you.

You may be the person in your generation that changes everything. You could be the one that breaks every negative cycle or your child could be that one.  Know you are loved. Know you are necessary. Another life is deeply affected because you breathe. Someone else in this world, somewhere, needs you to be here.

Walk Changing Reading

So, I bought my first book from one of my pastors' mentors,  the late Pastor Kelley Varner, Freedom from 12 Deadly Sins. It's not what I expected at all, it's far better. It's not talking about what is often defined as the 12 deadly sins, but the different impediments you may encounter at each stage of your walk as a Christian. For example, one sin is legalism.

I am just into the first chapter and as with my pastor's books, it is conversational,  it's almost like I hear Pastor Varner ministering as I read (and mind you, I never met him). It is encouraging, honest, and most importantly founded in the word and revelation from God. It's awesome so far and I recommend it! I can't wait to read more!

Writer's Block: Learning How to Put My Heart into Words

Well, as some of you may know, I'm not just one who blogs, but I write poetry, stories, and even the occasional song. I've written for a long time, since I was a little girl and I believe it's one of my God given gifts. That being said, outside of poems and short stories, I have struggled with seeing being projects come to fruition. This latest project is close to my heart, but each time I go to add the finishing pieces - I feel a blockage. I have conversations with my husband and I'll say things that could go in the book. He's like "THAT'S your commentary!!" But when I sit down to work on it - it seems so hard.

How do I translate my heart to the page?