Let me be clear in what I'm about to say and hear my heart - this is not about other people or passing judgment, but oftentimes it's hard to tell your story without telling part of someone else's. So if I don't go into detail on some parts, it's not due to me not wanting to be transparent, it's that others may not be ready to be or ever want to show that part. And that's okay.
I have been thinking on many things and one of them is the Planned Parenthood debate. It's deeply personal and maybe not for the reasons you think. No, I didn't have an abortion. I am on the other end of that - you see, my parents initially wanted to abort me. How do I know this? A mom who, when I was younger, was still dealing with bitterness toward my dad, said so. And my father didn't deny it when I asked later on when I was older. My mom told me how my dad wanted her to have an abortion and my great grandmother talked her out of it. Does this mean my parents don't love me? Absolutely not. I know they do. This is true. But it's also true that at some point, I was the baby nobody wanted.
I grew up in an unabashedly liberal household where the Democratic party ruled, abstinence wasn't expected, and abortion was a woman's right. It just never felt right to me. I saw the affect of abortion on women close to me early in life and outside of the fact that I was nearly on the proverbial chopping block, seeing what this woman went through did nothing to change what I felt in my heart. There was nothing convenient or liberating about having this particular "right." No matter how you think of it, death occurs in that room. If you don't believe it's a baby, I'm not going to waste my time or yours trying to convince you it is. But from what I've seen, a part of the woman dies in that room too.
Even though I was taught I had the choice, even as a child, I knew it was a choice I never wanted to make. I understood early on the responsibility which came with sex and sexuality. And I made it a point to not engage until after college. That's not to say I was perfect or I never did anything irresponsible, because I did. I just made a conscious effort to avoid pregnancy until marriage because in my heart I knew abortion wasn't choice for me and I didn't want to do it (be a parent)outside of wedlock.
Who knows how my parents lives would differ if my mom has of made that appointment at Planned Parenthood? I just know I wouldn't be here today if she had. I know I wouldn't have this wonderful, sometimes painful, beautiful life to live. At least, not as I know it.
