Reflecting Back and Moving Forward

First, I want to start this with saying, "Thank you, Lord". This year has been filled with so much and on the eve of a new year, I am so humbled by all that You have done and all there is to come and I just want to do better and be better in 2013. 2011 ended with me getting into a major car accident that totaled my car and 2012 began with me getting a new car. But not just any car, but the car I wanted since they came out when I was in high school - a Honda CRV. :-) I know it sounds corny that a small SUV was my dream car, but it was. Two days later, the dance ministry drove down to VA for what turned out to be a life changing trip. We were asked to minister at chapel at a christian elementary school. Friends of our pastors hosted us in our home and Consecrated Dance Ministry had an opportunity to bond like never before. It was an awesome experience.

In the course of this year, I have seen relationships grow and change, marriages form, and relationships severed. God has taken me through new doors, has shut some, and at times I've felt like all I could do is hold on. But I have held on. And I will continue to hold on. God has abundantly blessed me in every aspect of my life - my professional life, my spiritual life, my personal life, my finances. I could never say thank you enough. And for those of you who may not believe, it's ok. All I know is that the change in my life over these last few years has been nothing short of miraculous. I have grown in ways I never could have imagined. I have been through hurt and I have been through pain that I never thought I could bear. And yet, I am here. By God's grace, I am here. And I believe that whatever else comes is small compared to the God I serve. I can't think of more ways to express my gratitude, but I wanted to put it in print. Because we all know whatever you put on the internet is out there forever right? So I'll finish with saying this - Jesus is Lord of my life and I am happy to declare this is my truth.

I wish anyone reading this joy, love, healing, and happiness in the new year.

GOODBYE (and good riddance) to my 20s and HELLO 30s!!!!

As you can guess from the title of my blog, I recently had a birthday (Dec 6). I turned 30 and as if per the norm for one like myself, I've got to reflect. So first, 30 is AWESOME thus far. No, I mean, seriously. For all of you still in your 20s - press on. When you're there, it doesn't seem so bad, but man, when you start closing in on that 30 line, you start thinking that maybe your 20s are a bit overrated. Sure, if you went to college, you generally graduate in your 20s. You can drink when you're 21. You can rent a car by yourself at 25. If you've had no accidents, your insurance rates begin to fall as you hit your latter 20s.... all good things. However, maybe I can only speak for myself, but outside of those positive things, my 20s were also filled with a lot of emotional turmoil and instability, a lack of general contentment, and just a bunch of bad decision making. And by natural standards, I'm a pretty intelligent, wise young woman.

Let me explain - my 20s involved a lot of getting acclimated to myself - my changing body, my mind, my heart - all that. I thought I was fat when I was the thinnest I've ever been. I wanted love from young men who had NO idea how to attend to MY inner dysfunction and brokenness. I thought my mind was on straight when it was actually leaning toward the left. My heart idolized a man, a life, and a relationship that I knew deep down didn't and wouldn't ever exist. Yes, I made it through undergrad AND grad school. I made wonderful friends in the process and met people who I pray will continue to be a part of my life in this next decade. I had experiences that even though I may not ever want to repeat, were great at the time and were pivotal to the woman I am now. About two weeks before my 26th birthday, I went to a little church that a friend invited me to, and my life changed. You see, I met a man who I had met several times as a child, but now I was hungry and I was dry... His name is JESUS. The Christ, and everything from my early 20s I was running from, I had to face. In the years to follow, I lost a lot. However, I began to tap into LIFE. And as I enter my 30s, more things are being birthed in me. I feel better than I've ever felt. I LOVE myself better than I've ever loved me. I am at peace with my body and I don't think I'm fat (even though I weigh more than I've ever weighed). I am finding peace in my mind. Yes, there are things that still get me and things I still struggle with, but the difference is - now I know I CAN pray and I know HOW to pray and I know my God hears me. I don't deal with condemnation like I used to. I still have awesome friends and now my heart is open to love people in general better. Because know I actually know love, I know how to give it. And to put the cherry on top, do you know a good man actually entered the picture too? I was open to a relationship I guess, but not really searching. Just when I was content with chilling and seeing what God would do, He moved.

So, as I move into year 30 and another calendar year soon, I'm excited for what is to come. I'm encouraged by what I've seen in others who are already 30 and above. I think this year is going to be one full of change, but I also think it's going to be awesome!!