For All I've Lost

Sometimes I cry
Shed a tear for a relationship lost
For a family member that can't understand
That I left them for a man
Jesus is His name
For His sake, daily
I am slain
And for all I've lost
It is my soul I've gained

I know what has been said
From the phone calls, tentative hellos
Some say I've lost all my sense
But for all I've lost
It is my sanity, my peace
I have gained

No, I am not the same
When I look in the mirror
I no longer cry
I like the smile
The eyes that reflect that I am
"fearfully and wonderfully made"
I realize this was all preordained
For all that I've lost
It is my salvation
I have gained

You may not understand
Why I don't crank that new Souljah Boy
And why I don't know that new Lil' Wayne
If they not talking about Jesus
And extending His fame
I don't know their names
See, for the latest craze I've missed
I'm all the more glad I'm saved

For all the sacrifices
And nails to my hands
The mud that covers my name
I know I die daily in my Savior's name
And for all those I've lost
I love you
But I'm happy about what I've gained.

A Gift From the Father

So, I think this may be my life.  I keep saying I am going to go to bed at a certain time and it never happens.  Because inevitably, it's this time of night I want to sing, worship, praise and when I feel like my ears are most apt to hear.  This time of night and also early morning, around 4:00 or 4:30.  It's been this way since I was a kid, the peace I feel at this time of night and in the very early morning before the sun begins to rise...and I think that even though God is up and about ALL the time, these are the times He feels especially near to me.  Maybe it's just me.

That was me digressing, I was just musing on the gift of prophesy and just all the various gifts from the Father.  I was worshiping and singing a long with some of my favorite songs and I was musing on the word I received from both my pastors on Sunday.  Pastor Judy said that my life, my pain, my trials, my tribulations would go into my singing to the Lord and that songs would come out of me, psalms and that there are poems in me.  Well, the poetry part I've known forever, that's how God first starting speaking to me and through me as a child.  And God had spoken to me several times about being a psalmist and I'd be like, "Me God?  I don't even have a very powerful voice and I don't sound like so and so.  And I know only fools compare themselves among themselves, but for real Lord?"  And so, when the pastor told me the same thing (I really want to say some of it was verbatim) that God told me, I just cried.

I have been known to tell others, "If God said, then it IS so."  Well, apparently I need to walk in that same certainty for myself.  I think it's hard for me to believe at times the gifts that God has placed in me because there is still a part of me that thinks, "Who am I?"  But who am I?  I am a gift from the Father.  I am a gift that HAS gifts that I don't even know yet.  There is not just one thing in this package.  I am a gift that is being unwrapped, bit by bit.  The first layer you may find an intercessor.  The next layer, you'll find a worshiper.  The next layer may reveal a scribe.  I am excited but also feel a sense of responsibility.  I can't do what I used to do.  I have to press in or some of those layers may not be revealed.  I'll be a gift that remains only half unwrapped and discarded under the tree.  Still a gift, but not utilized because no one knows what's in there.  So, my prayer is that God may continue to unwrap me and reveal what's in this box.  My prayer is the same for all of us.  Sometimes the tape gets stuck and it hurts as a layer is removed, but I believe - I know - it is worth it.  For all that I have lost, I have gained so much more.

Habakkuk 2 - Jesus is the VISION!

Sorry to spoil the revelation I received in the subject line, but I was astonished when this scripture was unlocked for me.  I have read the following, as you may have, a few times or heard it quoted, but studying this thing out...it was like, a little like "DUH" (to me) and a lot like, "YAY Holy Spirit".  Ok, so it's late, but I have to share this and I'll try to keep it concise.

Habakkuk 2:2-3:

² And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

³ For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

The vision in Hebrew is chazown, a sight (mentally), i.e. a dream, revelation, or oracle.  To make it plain means to explain it.  Tables are tablets.  But verse 3 is where the scripture unlocked for me because if you read the direct translation from Hebrew, while a bit confusing it says:

that yet vision for the appointed time and he shall puff to the end and not he is lying if he shall be dallying, tarry you! for him that to come he shall come not, he shall delay - taken from ISA software.

Some things I'd like to point out - when translated from the Hebrew, the vision is a HE!!  Who is the WHOLE Bible about?  Jesus!!  Need further proof? Puff in the Hebrew is puwach, which means to puff, i.e. blow with the breath or air; hence, to fan (as a breeze), to utter, to kindle (a fire), to scoff. You see where I'm going with this?  Jesus is a life-giving or quickening spirit.  What did Jesus do that allowed people to receive the Holy Spirit?  He blew on them or breathed on them.  And the book of Revelation, which is another word for vision is the Revelation of who?  Jesus Christ!  Ok, so let us try to translate it, with the Hebrew words/meaning into English, verse 3:

That vision [Jesus], is yet for a fixed time or season or appointment, and he shall breathe at the last and not lie.  And though he seems to be taking awhile, wait for him because he will surely come, he will come at the right time.  

That's my revelation of that verse with word study and reading the footnotes of my Bible.  Now, let's put that together with verse 2:

Write Jesus, explain him in books, and make it clear to all those that may read of him. That vision [Jesus], is yet for a fixed time or season or appointment, and he shall breathe at the last and not lie.  And though he seems to be taking awhile, wait for him because he will surely come, he will come at the right time.  

As a Christian, Jesus should be written upon us and indeed, He is.  We should be able to explain who Jesus is to us and IN us and make it plain or clear.  Jesus is a baby growing in all of us (male or female) who call ourselves believers and he is there by appointment.  He may be taking some time to be delivered, but behold, he will SURELY come!  HALLELUJAH!! :-)  I'm seriously so honored that the Lord saw me fit to show me this thing.  I hope it encourages you.  It surely encouraged me.