And the time came

And the time came
For me to emerge out of hiding
No more games
No more ducking in shame

Time to show my face again
Show God is in the place
Within me, shining
Brightly, in spite of me

And the time came
For no more fear
He promised that He would wipe
Every tear from my eye
No more crying

The fighting has ceased
Because the Son lives in me
Now, the time has come
For me to receive

Every thing God has for me
Accept Christ's resurrection life as fact
Accept the finished work of the cross
Time for me to stop crawling
Time for me to walk.

Reflections at 1 a.m.

This journey called my life, of 29 years, 9 months, and 27 days, has seemed long at times.  One of my good sistah/friends, just celebrated her 30th birthday today.  With all the recent milestones - marriages and birthdays, I've begun to reflect. I never imagined myself at this age. I never had a concrete idea of what I would be like, what my life would be like. I could not comprehend me in 30 years, and yet, here I am. At this point, I can say, I am happy.  I have a relationship with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. And I have found myself in a relationship with a man too.  He's pretty fantastic and most importantly, he's my friend. :) Not to get all emotional, but I judging from where I sit now, I would not change any of the stuff I endured before - heartache, betrayal, lies, games, foolishness - because even though I don't believe the Father intended for me to go through all that (I just made poor life decisions), I do believe those experiences, however negative, helped me to 1)come to Jesus 2)try to figure out what the deeper issues were 3) seek healing.  I am not sure if I would appreciate my life now if I had not experienced the other end of the spectrum. And no matter what God decides to do from this point on, I take comfort in this space He has allowed me to live in. See, it was not friends or a man that gave me peace and gave me to room to grow into me, it was a Man that gave me peace with who He created me to be, who is continuously showing and telling me who I am in Him and what I need to do, what I may need to give up, and where I still need to be broken and rebuilt. Jesus is Lord and I am so glad I serve Him. I feel like I am not only a grown up, but that I am growing into me.  The me God intended me to be in the beginning, but got lost trying to fit in.

I look forward to what is to come. I move forward in expectation of the manifestation of God's promises to me and others. The King made a decree and no man can reverse it. :-)