As you can guess from the title of my blog, I recently had a birthday (Dec 6). I turned 30 and as if per the norm for one like myself, I've got to reflect. So first, 30 is AWESOME thus far. No, I mean, seriously. For all of you still in your 20s - press on. When you're there, it doesn't seem so bad, but man, when you start closing in on that 30 line, you start thinking that maybe your 20s are a bit overrated. Sure, if you went to college, you generally graduate in your 20s. You can drink when you're 21. You can rent a car by yourself at 25. If you've had no accidents, your insurance rates begin to fall as you hit your latter 20s.... all good things. However, maybe I can only speak for myself, but outside of those positive things, my 20s were also filled with a lot of emotional turmoil and instability, a lack of general contentment, and just a bunch of bad decision making. And by natural standards, I'm a pretty intelligent, wise young woman.
Let me explain - my 20s involved a lot of getting acclimated to myself - my changing body, my mind, my heart - all that. I thought I was fat when I was the thinnest I've ever been. I wanted love from young men who had NO idea how to attend to MY inner dysfunction and brokenness. I thought my mind was on straight when it was actually leaning toward the left. My heart idolized a man, a life, and a relationship that I knew deep down didn't and wouldn't ever exist. Yes, I made it through undergrad AND grad school. I made wonderful friends in the process and met people who I pray will continue to be a part of my life in this next decade. I had experiences that even though I may not ever want to repeat, were great at the time and were pivotal to the woman I am now. About two weeks before my 26th birthday, I went to a little church that a friend invited me to, and my life changed. You see, I met a man who I had met several times as a child, but now I was hungry and I was dry... His name is JESUS. The Christ, and everything from my early 20s I was running from, I had to face. In the years to follow, I lost a lot. However, I began to tap into LIFE. And as I enter my 30s, more things are being birthed in me. I feel better than I've ever felt. I LOVE myself better than I've ever loved me. I am at peace with my body and I don't think I'm fat (even though I weigh more than I've ever weighed). I am finding peace in my mind. Yes, there are things that still get me and things I still struggle with, but the difference is - now I know I CAN pray and I know HOW to pray and I know my God hears me. I don't deal with condemnation like I used to. I still have awesome friends and now my heart is open to love people in general better. Because know I actually know love, I know how to give it. And to put the cherry on top, do you know a good man actually entered the picture too? I was open to a relationship I guess, but not really searching. Just when I was content with chilling and seeing what God would do, He moved.
So, as I move into year 30 and another calendar year soon, I'm excited for what is to come. I'm encouraged by what I've seen in others who are already 30 and above. I think this year is going to be one full of change, but I also think it's going to be awesome!!
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