The Strength to Forgive

God, please give me the strength to forgive.  I know as a Christian, as one who loves you with all my heart, this is key to a successful walk.  The reason I am in here is because Christ died for me.  His act of sacrifice was also an act of forgiveness.  Because He died, I now have the option of an open relationship with you.  Lord, You know my hurts, You know the deep pains that I've had to swallow, You know the battle I fight...Father, You know, You know... There were times when I felt like I had finally done it, like I had finally let it all go, but then something else happens or some mornings I just wake up mad and I don't know why.  I don't want to become bitter.  I know what that looks like and it's ugly.  I don't want that in my life.  I don't want to become a holding place for unforgiveness because then, how can I be forgiven?  Maybe that is part of reason it's so hard for me to fully accept Your love for me...because part of me is SO mad I didn't get it from those I felt I should have gotten it from, the right way.  My God, there has been so much duality in my life.  So much, "I love you" "I'm proud of you" then "You're weak" "You ain't neva going to have no good luck" "You may end up alone".  Blessed and cursed with the same tongue.  And there is my sticking point.  The hallmark of my faith is that I believe the following - Jesus is the Christ.  Jesus was born to Mary by way of the Holy Spirit.  Jesus died for my sins and He became a curse so that I would not have to bear the judgment for my iniquities.  Jesus' blood covers every sin and breaks every curse.  So if every curse is broken, why in the world am I still mad about it?  "Do you do well to be angry Jonah?"  No Lord, I don't.