Finding My Voice

Today I decided it was finally time to face some stuff I had been avoiding.  One of those things was talking to my father.  A lot of unpleasant stuff had happened recently that I had been praying about and trying to sort through.  A few nights ago, I was dancing and I ministered the song as if I was ministering to my mother, the song was "Forever Always" by Martha Munizzi.  I started to cry as I danced.  One of the lyrics to the song is "There's nothing you could ever do, to keep me from loving you" and that anger and bitterness just broke.  I figured if that is how God feels about us, how could I possibly hold on to all those gunky feelings?  I mean, He did forgive all the crazy/dumb/dangerous/careless/[insert word here] things I've done.  It was amazing.  I could breathe deeply again.  I hadn't even realized that I had been experiencing an actual tightness in my chest for the last two weeks or so, that felt like a weight.

But I digress.  It was also time to finally address my father's calls b/c he had gotten caught up in the whirlwind of foolishness too.  I realized I wasn't mad at him anymore either, it was just a feeling of, "ok, now I know what the deal is".  I told him I wasn't going to an event that I had originally agreed to go to - I just feel like it's best for now.  He wanted to debate why and also what was going on with my mother and I shut it down.  Respectfully, but still.  I didn't leave the conversation feeling frustrated or bad about myself or guilty.  I actually feel strong and empowered.  I feel like I still have some walls to break through, but I think I'm finally starting to find my voice.  Some have said I haven't quite been myself.  I think the thing is, I'm finally coming into myself and it's someone they haven't met before.  So let me re-introduce myself...