Taking Care

This week, I have been in my mother's house.  On Thursday, my mom had hip replacement surgery and came home Sunday.  I will tell you how I envisioned this week - my mom being largely in a drugged state (as she had been in the hospital) and my primary function being to just make sure she got her pain meds and food on a regular schedule.  I would have plenty of time to study out this chapter in Nehemiah and to overall read and study my word.  It would be a glorious time of connecting with the Father in the midst of being at my mother's house.  I would use this time to be productive spiritually and naturally.

Well...let me tell you how it's really been - exhausting.  Taking care of a grown person can be just as daunting as taking care of a child, shucks, possibly more so.  I'm an aunt a couple of times over and I've even cared for sick children, but it has been NOTHING like this.  The first night didn't start off well.  Two medications - one being her pain meds- could not be filled.  The hospital pretty much told us to figure it out and then when we mentioned we had another painkiller on hand, said she could just take that until we could get what she really needed.  Well, that night, I was up every 4 hrs making sure she got her pain meds.  That also included rubbing sore legs and overall dealing with a person in pain and feeling helpless because there was nothing that could be done to relieve it.  On top of that, my allergies were kicking in heavy so I also was not at my physical best.  The next morning, she was grouchy from no sleep and so was I.  Grouchy mom means me getting snapped at most of the day.  In a short synopsis- day 1 was pretty miserable. 

Day 2 was not a whole lot better.  Still a lot of pain on the end of the patient and the incessant requests for water, juice, massage, help, overall exclamations of pain, irritability (this time on both the patient's part and mine) and preparation of food.  The nurse came in and worked with her while I was finally able to get the meds she needed. In the midst, a grocery run also had to happen.  I never sat down for more than a few minutes.  Day 3 was when my mom showed where the emotional ups & downs were coming from - she felt helpless too.  She hadn't been able to sleep (meanwhile, I had been so exhausted I had fell asleep trying to read my word) and the pain had been constant.  She broke down a bit and I was actually glad she let some of that out. I also felt compassion.

Now in Day 4, I've realized a few things.  People change when they see a need.  If they do not see a need, you can only change how you react to them.  I felt bad for being irritable, but for all the growth I've had, there's still more to come.  I can say overall, I did better than I would have even an few months ago, but I definitely still need work.  My sister joked that my mother was Mister from the Color Purple.  I don't know if she was on that level, but it hasn't been easy.  I kept thinking of the parable of the servants working all day in the field and then being asked to make the master something to eat.  Having a servant's heart involves doing not only what is required of you, but then doing more and most importantly - not murmuring or complaining about it.  It is easier to have a servant's heart when the conditions are ideal, but what about when things get rough?  Will you still serve?  Will you still serve with a purity of heart?  Will you still do things with love?

Today, I had some moments of feeling like I hadn't done enough.  But you know what?  I've done all I could do.  This experience has held a mirror up to my face in regard to where I am in my growth.  I saw myself reverting back to some old ways of dealing with things.  I had to shake myself and realize - I am NOT a child anymore.  I am an adult and I have the tools to express myself as well as the wisdom to know when to stay quiet.  I have a new found respect for those that making care taking their job, whether as a paid profession or as a stay at home parent or spouse to a sick mate.  It requires a depth of love, patience, and emotional maturity.  I understand why I am still a single woman.  I still have a lot more growing to do!