Forgiveness

I was SO angry...like swearing in my head angry.  Giving people looks that could kill angry.  I felt unappreciated, used, and abused.  I was furiously washing dishes, dumping food into containers, and basically having a productive temper tantrum - if there's a such thing.  I had to get out of there.  I felt the walls closing in.  I felt an anger that was so deep...an anger I hadn't felt in a long time.  And I remember thinking, "I still have to forgive?  After ALL the crap I been put through, all the things that have been said, all the things that have been done?  All the things that are STILL being said?!  And I still have to FORGIVE?!"  As one of my friends would say, I murked!  I grabbed my keys and went to my car.  I sat there fuming, then I started to just drive.  Oh and I drove a bit like a crazy woman.  I fussed and complained and by the time I got home I asked - do I really have to God?  And He responded yes, I have to forgive.  Unforgiveness can jeopardize your own salvation.  You must forgive to be forgiven.  I have to forgive with the love of Jesus.  And then I wondered if I had enough love in me because I was so mad.  But even in His correction, God assured me I had what I needed to do it - my flesh just needed to be brought into subjection.  Gotta love a gut check from God.