Tears of Healing

This weekend, I visited with family and it brought up a lot of emotions. One of the events that it brought up was the death of my nephew 7 years ago. This morning, I allowed myself to think it and the tears came. And the sniffles turned into sobs and the sobs turned into me being hunched over bawling. I still battle with what I was taught as a child - that tears are a sign of weakness. When it comes to intercessory prayer, tears don't bother me, but when it comes to the other things, things that I have buried deep inside and that I try to keep God from even getting to - I try to keep my emotions in check. So, He caught me while my guard was down. The thing that hurt so much about my nephew's death was that I didn't really know him. I had just begun to build a relationship with my brother (my dad's son from a previous relationship) and he was sent overseas. My brother took his family along. I remember vividly - I was hanging out with my brother and my nephew was there and he hugged me so tight. And I remember thinking how when they came back, I looked forward to getting to know him better. A year later or so after they left, my nephew died. At the funeral, I felt like I didn't have a right to cry, I didn't have a right to be really upset because I did not know him. But this morning, I realized that I was so hurt because I never would. He was 10. I never really dealt with it I guess. After the funeral, I went back to college. I focused on my studies. I guess I compartmentalized it. But nearly every time I am reminded, my throat tightens and my eyes well up.

I don't say all this to get a sympathy response. I say all this to acknowledge that we all have things, deep hurts, that we sweep under the rug. Maybe we feel like we don't have a right to feel anything about it or maybe we feel that it's not really a big deal or we should just get over it because it has happened and it's done...but whatever it is, I want to let you know that it is acceptable to cry. In fact, it is necessary. Allowing ourselves to feel those emotions can be VERY painful, but I believe that those tears are key to our releasing and then healing from those situations. God wants to lift the proverbial rug up and expose those stains, the cracks, and the holes that it was covering up. So let those tears out. Look at all that bottled up hurt and pain as an anchor. It is holding you down and keeping you from ascending to that next level spiritually and in the natural. Come forth with your "broken and contrite" heart and leave your burdens at Jesus' feet. Let Him into those places that you previously kept off limits. Be encouraged - you are not alone.