I Didn't Start Saved

I didn't start saved. I did not begin this life of mine living for Christ. I knew of Him as a child. I went to church with my grandma and my great grandma whenever I could and I went with my whole family on major holidays - Christmas and Easter. I know, looking back that Jesus always knew me. From the time I was a little girl. I knew that He died for mankind to have the opportunity for salvation. But this thing only became personal, that Jesus specifically died for me so that I could live for Him, back in late 2008.

I can say unabashedly, all that I am and I have today is due to Christ. And if it were to be taken, I am still rich in Him. My friends and family who knew me before Christ would say I was always smart, I always had some degree of wisdom, and I seemed to have it together. Yes, I had book smarts, I had worldly wisdom, and I was a mess inside. I struggled so much with my identity, thinking for myself, and doing for myself before Jesus. I tried to do what the Bible said, but I tried to do the Tiffany version or the world version of it, not the Father's version. At times, I let people close to me manipulate me or treat me badly because I thought I had to. I felt so conflicted about who I really was that what the vast majority of people saw, was a mask or the version of me I wanted them to see. Just the surface. I was scared that if people knew the real me (whoever that was), they wouldn't like me.

Each day is a conscious decision to press past those old thoughts, forgive again and again, and allow the blood of Christ, His Mercy, His Grace, and His Light work in me and through me. We don't have to settle for what was. Our beginning does not have to dictate our ending. Each day is a chance to make a decision. If that decision is Christ, make it. If you've already made that decision, you can decide to go deeper. If you see yourself conforming to the world, you can decide today to learn more about who you follow (Christ) and study who He is. Conform to His image. You will find that you are already in Him. He was considered a "black sheep" in His day too. No, I didn't start saved, but every day I make a decision to stay that way.